The real importance of ‘one to ones’
For the last 5 years, I have arranged regular, weekly one on one meetings with all the people who report directly to me. These meetings last 30 minutes and I always begin them by asking, “What’s on your agenda?” I do this to make sure that I listen carefully to my colleague and to ensure that I do not highjack the agenda with my own concerns and priorities. I also ask all managers who are working with me to introduce the practice into their work with their own teams. This is never easy as most managers claim that they are in regular contact with their team members and so a ‘one to one’ is unnecessary. If they do introduce them, they find they are invaluable for understanding their colleagues in a way that is not possible in other fora and a mutual sense of engagement with work is created.
There is so much thought leadership on the need to establish positive working relationships for a successful career and still more on the productivity benefits of creating psychological safety in teams but unless time is dedicated to this, the benefits cannot be realized. Neuroscience also presents some compelling explanations of why these kinds of meetings are important.
Connection with others on a regular basis enables a more sophisticated part of the human brain, the social brain, to be involved in work and problem solving. One to one meetings enable this because they allow for a relationship to build and make all kinds of conversations related to performance and conflict much easier to manage. They support the regular exchange and use of ‘social safety cues’ which because of their impact on work can be enabling and empowering for both manager and team member.
What helps
Arranging regular one to one meetings as a sacred commitment which only get postponed or changed in exceptional circumstances
Ensuring that the agenda is set by your team member and not you
If there is information that you need or guidance that you would like to provide, bring it up in the latter half of the meeting
If issues arise which cannot be fully discussed during the time allocated, resist the urge to extend the meeting. End it on time and arrange a further dedicated meeting on the outstanding topic.
Resources
In this Psychology today post, (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-it-together/201809/the-neuroscience-feeling-safe-and-connected), Dr Dianne Grande quotes Stephen Porges, ‘Insofar as we can give ourselves and others social safety cues, we can become more attuned to our internal state, ‘more authentic.’ When we feel more authentic, we can become more safely vulnerable and connect with others.’
Amy Banks, ‘Four Ways to Click’, Rewire your brain for stronger, more rewarding relationships, Penguin, 2015.
Banks offers ways to strengthen neural pathways in 4 brain systems which mediate human relationships. She offers practical guidelines for developing more satisfying relationships in easily understood language in spite of the complex neuroscience which supports her approach.
