What to do when they doubt your coaching competence
I was working with a manager who had been placed in a challenging managerial role in an organization in which we both worked after having given up his earlier career in academia. After several months where different staff had complained about his levels of organization and decision making, it was decided to place him in a less demanding role where he would have time and support from a senior manager to develop his skills in a complex, multicultural context.
Boniface was angry throughout our first meeting and it was important to listen to his experience of the events which had led to his current situation. He felt shame tinged with a strong sense of injustice at the lack of support he had received from his managers over the preceding months.
My role was to work with him in a short series of coaching sessions which introduced basic managerial skills and leadership practices. I hoped these would support him as he made his transition and would also provide an opportunity for him to discuss and make sense of his experience.
He, understandably, expressed doubt about the process during our first session and found it hard to see the positive aspect of being placed into a less challenging role. His hand was on the door handle when he asked the following question: how many managers have you coached?
How people deal with difficult feelings
People often ask the most important questions or make the observations which are most important to them as they are leaving the room. I felt challenged personally and was tempted to provide him with a number and a summary of coaching experience and qualifications. I resisted this, feeling that perhaps his concern lay not with my qualifications but rather my capacity to work with him and the confusing and difficult circumstances in which he found himself. I replied, “Perhaps you want to know if I think we can make progress on the issues you raised today? I think we can.” This comment and answer seemed to provide some relief to Boniface. Why? Because it came close to identifying his underplaying concern and, in addition, provided an optimistic outlook on it.
What helped
Acknowledging surface communication as well as your own potentially defensive reaction
Speculating on what it might mean in the coaching relationship if what was communicated on a surface level actually meant something else
Being willing to engage with the deeper conversation which may happen as a result ( just the fact that you have recognized underlying concern enough will be enough to build trust)
